Crazy train

On a train to Stockholm, Sweden. Rather spontanious, one could say, since i had not been planning this in beforehand or anything.

Aah, the weather! It's absolutely beautiful! Oh, haven't I missed this.

Duties, are they?

Oh you know, I really don't know what to do.

This whole thing is a little to big. 

You see, tomorrow, or today as it usually is when I write stuff here, it's new year's eve. That, and time for some real serious business. I don't know what I can or should do and I'm not really fond of this situation at all, but things are as they are and there really wasn't much else for you to do. Or maybe, what do I know. But I'm glad that you told me anyways. Even though I do admit it's a scaring me quite a bit. All this. As it always has and always will.

You might read this, the one who this happens to be adressed to. I don't know if you'll know who you are. I think you will, though.

I really should sleep, so that I will actually be able to provide you with some support. 

Screwie

I have realized two things.
First, I've begun to realize that the whole "thing" with this blog has failed, somewhat. I was supposed to upload images with little texts attached to them, not whole novels without a single picture!

Second, I've realized how this way of living is eating my life away. It's almost three in the morning and I haven't even attempted going to bed. If I screw up now... nothing's gonna happen. Which is why I'll probably screw myself up. There's nothing that's really holding me back.

Of course, that's not entirely true. I won't do horribly stupid things, since there still are some people who consider me being a fairly reasonable person. Not totally senseless, at least. I do not wish to break any illusions, or inflict any other sort of harm to these people.

To wrap things up, I do proudly announce that my nose is cold!
Goodnight.



There was a bunch of stuff I was originally going to tell you, btw. But I've forgotten about half of it, and the rest is just... meh.

The lord of the ham

I'm on a mission! Which I'm not really that hyped about...

So my dad and I decided to start making the, uhm, Christmas ham. Yes, ham. Like a pig. A dead pig...
Anyhow, it's supposed to be in the oven for about 50 minutes per kilo, and this was 4 kg. The thing now is that someone will have to watch over it to make sure nothing is catching fire and that it doesn't stay for to long in the heat.

That someone would (not that surprisingly) seem to be me. Yay...
So I'm the Ham guard! Or protector of the... whatever. It's just me sitting in my room not even close to the oven, waiting for it to go BEEEEP. And then, it's time for a bucket. You see, we will have to put it outdoors since there is no space in our fridge. In order to not having all the animals in northern Europe to eat it, I'll have to find a nice fitting, or at least big enough, metal bucket for cover. Awesome!

Seriously, why didn't we just wait until tomorrow and begin it in the afternoon instead!?
But oh well, I like ham so I guess I can't complain too much about it.

Btw, does this make me a hamster? I'm frying ham, so the verb of ham should most reasonably be haming? And the one doing it should be a hamster, right?

You know what? I'm just gonna stop here and let you know about the outcome of this, once it's done.

Misery alert

Many posts today, eh? More than one are many.

I find myself in a need of physical stimuli. Or closeness, I guess you could say. I miss to have someone to be with, without doing anything at all, apart from being together. Just to feel that hand on your shoulder every now and then, a hug when things are shitty and some silent understanding. 

This is where friends, no matter how awesome they are, aren't enough. I would lie if I said that it's friendship I miss. I have totally awesome friends which I love in that way you love people you're not in love with. 

I've thought a lot about this. Maybe I just need to be confident in myself. That I too can contribute with something in a relationship and that it, when it comes to it just is about sex? I really don't like the thought of it. And don't think this is the core problem. But I'm certain that it's a fair part.

Someone once said to me that I would never get laid. He was right in a way, but not necessarily for whatever reasons he thought of. It's not for some inability to "mate" with people, but because I just can't take easy on this. And ease is pretty damn vital in a relation. 

This guy, btw, was that kind of guy who pumped weights at a gym instead of being in time for school, "got" a lot of girls and partied a lot. Now, I don't say I would have lived like he did if the opportunity had occurred, but at the time, really my only comfort was the though that he would probably get bad grades and hopefully a more miserable life than the me.

True story.

I'm almost twenty and I haven't had a working relationship yet. I can honestly tell you that I think most of my youth was spent on stuff I would have been better off without. Not that I had much of a choice. I just feel as if it was all in vein.

Life is the same. Less bullies, of course. But that's to be expected now that I can actually choose with whom I do spend my time. It's also quite obvious since I barely sees anyone at all. Or maybe I do and should just shut my big mouth. Who knows. 

This is some kind of a call to whoever is out there. If you read this, please respond. I need it! Just let me know you was here. I'll leave it by that.

So I figure I should be sick more often, then?

Okay, so here's what have been happening in my life recently!

As I might have said at some point, I always had a really hard time getting to sleep, which made me very tired during daytime. Because of this I didn't exercise a whole lot. Everything were spiraling downwards, sort of. Had no joy in everyday life and stuff just felt really shitty.

So this is what happened!

I missed the last bus home, a monday night, and had to walk all my way home. It took me one and a half hour, which isn't to much considering I have too much time anyways. However, I began to think, as I walked, that it felt kinda good to be moving a little. It actually felt so good that I've been walking to and/or from town every time I'm having an errand in town.
This was a huge plus for me. I felt so much better.

However, I still couldn't get myself to sleep very well, so eventually I cached a cold. I got fever and the whole kit. It resulted in me being really exhausted in the evenings, which finally made me go to sleep before freaking three in the morning! Of course, the cold sucked in general, but it gave me my days back!

So at this point I'm both sleeping well, not too late, and getting enough exercise and all. Happiness happiness happiness!


Oh, well... of course, I got this infection the other day, rendering me unable to walk or even move without heart-tearing pain... but well, I'll wear it out, eventually.

I guess that's it for now.
Oh, and I really have to buy stuff for Christmas...

Bye!

Why do I never get usable letters!?

I find it very hard to get up in the morning, nowadays. It's due to the fact that I could as well sleep, since I don't have anything to do in the days. Except of living my life, of course. But yeah, I'm having problems with that too. And I'm getting my ass kicked in Wordfeud... screw it.

The wall, however this time it's mine

So I was roaming the internet, trying to find something to amuse myself with, when I stumbled upon a quite ineteresting guy. To me he's a youtuber, successfull that is, and a really nice guy. He's not alien, and for some reason I do recognize a lot of things in him from myself.

Now, the reason to why I make this post is that in one of his videos (or actually cuite a few, but whatever), there is this wall behind him. It's like that wall where you like put all the important stuff that has happened in your life. Things such as your favorite musicians, a crush from your childhood, awesome films and game posters! It's the wall of memories. And I realised, when looking to my own wall behind me, that I doesn't have one.

Don't get me wrong, I've done things and experienced stuff, but I can't get away from this feeling that I'm still way behind. It's that... when I look at that wall, it's just plain gray-green, staring back at me with no signs of being a room of a living human being. A young guy, alive and supposed to have built a life filled with something worth mentioning. But there's just nothing. It's empty.

It's like when you think "I'll do that tomorrow" about your homework, except this is my actual life! Why do I postphone it? What am I waiting for and why am I so damn afraid of just getting out there and start living?

So yeah, that wall. It's the one telling me to forget about such uncomfortable feelings and just lay down in the bed right next to it, to wake up in another hopefully but doubtfully better tomorrow.

I'm sorry, but I don't feel like uploading anything creative or even... anything. At the moment. I'm now going to succumb to this tiering feeling of nothingness and sleep a good long night and hopefully wake up well rested and ready for the world. My expectations arn't that high, though...

Anyday everyday

Today, tuseday (even though the actual today is a wednesday, but that's just an effect of me not sleeping properly)... what was I saying? Yeah, today! Which for me still is a tuseday, I realized that I thought it was still weekend. I admit that it is not that much of a difference, weither it's a tuseday or a saturday, since I'm unemployed. What I'm trying to get to is that I feel quite uncomfortable about not this. The "not knowing what day it is" thing.

It's also happened stuff in my actual life, but for some reason I don't feel like telling you at the moment, so I guess this is a good night. 

Gandalf

I would have posted a picture had it not been for the facts that 1. I haven't been out all day, and 2. my room is a total mess. With the outcome that would I take a picture in here, it would be so messy and ugly that who know, maybe it'd destroy my whole library? You never know.

Oh, and what's new today? Nothing!
I failed at waking up, with the result of me having a very short day. The alarm was set to 8 am (08:00) and I woke up as I should and all, but not for more than the time needed to shut down all my alarms and going back to bed for another FIVE hours!

Tomorrow's gotta be better, or else I'll be pissed. Or at least not very amused. In fact, not amused at all. Yeah, definitely pissed.

What am I doing wrong? Why can't I wake up like a normal human being? Or even as a stinking beast? I just want to wake up!!

@Skyrim
- That'd be like 300 gold
- Well, you know your best friends girlfriend? She likes you.
- Oh, well then! Have your money back! Oh, and also, I won't tell you it's your money, but instead that it's  some hard earned money that I got from working at the mill!

(Yeah, right... How about I just gave you all that money?)

Btw, Gandalf was cool because he (almost) never used any spells at all, even though he could have. Nukes are for noobs.

Pfff, five hours!?

I thought for the brief time of a second that it would be smart to advertise my blog in this post, only to realize that it would be posted to the very same blog... 

Btw, how do you pronounce advertise? Is it adv-e-rtise or advert-i-se? You know, do you pronounce the first 'e' or the 'i'? Post in the comments!

Also, it's a good thing you can't tell for how long I've been writing each post, since you'd likely go like "Pfff, five hours!? It's not even a lot of text! I would have done this, twice as good, in five seconds!"... and I would be like *sadface* and stuff. So yeah, it's definitely a good thing! 

Oh, and there is so much I want to tell you, but it's inappropriate and all,  and not something people would like know a lot about. Also, it's inappropriate as in private, but not private as in naked or disturbing. It's just not things most people would feel good about to know, that's all. 

Ah... what a beautiful waste of space ^^

Sleep that counts

This post will probably never be made properly, even though I've got a huge amount of material for it. Let's just say that I for once actually have earned my sleep. Soft fruit saves the day once again. Don't feel sad if you don't understand, you weren't meant to. Goodnight, folks!

Is that a branch in the top right?

So just for the sake of it, here's a picture!
I realized there is a problem with centering the picture when the text is not centered. Nothing's gonna brake, but it looks damn ugly! Or well, unless you're awesome and poop out a hell lot of words, covering some space and thus making it look nice and neat again!

This is where I sat a few days ago, up much earlier than my body frequently told me I should have been. Actually, I felt so bad from having skipped almost all my sleep that I almost vomited, got all cold and shaky and finally gave in and took a one hour nap.

The only reason I was awake at all at the time, was since I was supposed to practice my driving some more. However, since I didn't really feel like throwing up in the car, I skipped it for that day. Actually, I didn't really do anything at all for the reminder of the day.

Happy days, eh?

It ate my stuff!

Yeah, it did.

Since I happen to own an iPhone I finally succumbed to that surprisingly big bunch of people who told me to upgrade from iOS4 to iOS5, a lot of stuff happened that wasn't really supposed to happen. Nothing broke or anything, but...
Yeah, iTunes ate all my apps and me calendar. So fucked. So I played some good two or three hours of pointless browsergames in pure despair, when I received a tip from a most kind human being. I also cannot seem to remember who told me all this, since I happen to be very senile lately... Anyhow! What I was told was basically the following:

• iTunes dosn't eat stuff.
• My stuff is probably lying around somewhere, waiting for me to bring them back to my iPhone.
• This place, housing everything, would be referred to as iCloud.

So what then did I do, if not searching through all of iTunes, trying to find an option that let you download everything back without resetting everything and pooping large potatoes everywhere...
Anyhow, there seemed to be no such option. Luckily, I received another tip, telling me to open the appstore in the iPhone in order to access everything... yay!

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot! I have this need of telling you that there is no picture in this post ^^
Even though it's actually quite clear already... This makes me a liar, I suppose. Mostly because I promised to upload some sort of illustration of actually whatever there might be! And I promised to upload it on the very reliable date of "Tomorrow"!
Now, this isn't really a day after last post, and there is no picture... so great success, I guess?

Oh, and btw! Chances are that if you drive a lot in Uppsala, Sweden, I actually WON'T crash into you! Because I'm now much better at driving! Yeah! (And slightly very much less rich...)

Potential car crashing

One more picture lacking post, however I'm planning om getting a photo up tomorrow! Got some nice stuff and so.
As for now, it's so late it's actually early xD

But yeah, this is what happens when you plan on getting your friend to meet her like great love. Oh well. It's not that bad, is it? I mean, the worst thing that could possibly happen is that I crashes my parents car tomorrow, since I'm supposed to practice my driving. Yeah. It's gonna be good!

My place, your choice

I haven't uploaded anything here for a while now, so I decided this was the time to do it. However, I don't have a picture to share with you this time. 

I've been struggling with a depression for a couple of years now, which use to decrease my ability to produce or express myself in either words, text or pictures. 

I've been trying to keep this blog clean from whatever bad thoughts I have and I have no intentions of doing otherwise. With that said, this is a (mine, to be a little more precise) blog, so I guess part of the purpose is to share feelings and such.

So yeah, I'll try some medications and therapy and see if it helps. To be quite frank, I'm not a fan of this emotional state. Not at all. Still, it's been years. 

But yeah, apathy...

It's a bitch.

Not too happy.

You might have noticed the lack of a picture. Don't worry, it was intentional.

Sometimes I get this feeling that change is not for me... That I'm like stuck at this very point. It's not like that I actually am, but it feels as if I was.

Btw, I'm not used to blogg through my phone... Might be why this post took me 15 minutes to get right.

Good night.

Outsiders. Indoors.

Watching a foggy world through my dirty window. The sun isn't up yet, and I do really feel that I shouldn't be either.

Not so autumn

I was going to say that it's autumn, but I figured most people wouldn't really believe me...
But at least that tree to the right is starting to get slightly yellow. Autumn, definitely!

I haven't been ably to come up with any bright or deep thoughts lately. So, in lack of that, I could just tell you, the world out there, that I got some new speakers. Well, new as in "we don't want them anymore, do you want them?"... so they're probably like ten years or so. But they works! And hey, it's free!

Later on

I finally did have that walk I've wanted for so long! And I got this "at first fail"-picture as well. 

It's a fail, since I didn't really mean to get that light blurb in it, though I must say it looks pretty nice. But yeah, that's me. Me thinking, I mean. Like... I guess I just find it pretty.

Btw, all comments are appreciated! Also, I don't know if it's possible, but if there is a function in the commentary field, it'd be awesome if you uploaded an answer to this picture! Like, what outsides are like by you.

Thanks, or something.

Bye.

Milestone

Well well well, look at that! Another "deep" title.
This picture was actually a little to bright for the set of my mood, at the time I uploaded it, but it was the best I had.
This is quite a bad day, to be honest. I was hoping to get up at eight or at least nine, but ended up sleeping until eleven. But hey, who cares about a few hours, I've got loads of time.
Breakfast... because you're not hungry!
So I skipped breakfast... and sat by my computer, doing nothing, really. Then I realized that it was two in the afternoon, and I was supposed to be at a meeting 15:20.
I actually ended up doing nothing of what I had planned to do.
I didn't take that long walk I so badly needed.
I didn't eat that breakfast I probably should have eaten.
I didn't even go to that meeting, because I felt so miserable about myself at the time.

Now, several hours later, the misery is almost gone.
And you know what? That walk sounds really appealing right now...

There and back again

The photo was shot just past Hudiksvall, Sweden. I don't think this picture managed to capture the autumn, really, but it's there. The autumn, that is. All over the place.
If you look really close in the rearview mirror, there is something with a look similar to a llama. That would be me.
Of course, I'm not a llama. Nor am I really quite that visible. In the photo. I'm not transparent or anything.

The dump site

It may not look like it, but this place is actually a dump site. As far as I know, this is the only mountain around where I lie. It's made out of the soil from the process of building all the houses in this area. You know, that mud that's laying around when people are digging a flat surface.

Anyhow, this is a place I happen to like. Mostly since it's a great place to just think. This is where I went this morning, just before I made this post. Now, in a couple of minutes, I'll be travelling north from here, for something like 350 km. 

"If you told me I missed something by not doing what you did, then let me ask you this. How do you know you're not the one missing things? You have no idea of what I felt or experienced. But yeah, I missed it, but it was prolly worth t."

Not tomorrow yet (sounds deep, eh?)

Now, this looks like a broken promise.
The photo was shot in the forest, on my way home. My parents are divorced, so I wen't to pick up some stuff I forgot at my moms place.
To give you some perspective of time, this was about two weeks ago, somewhere around ten in the evening.

Might not be the most charming picture, in itself, but I think it's a nice peek into yet another everyday life.

Hope you enjoyed it. Good night!

The purpose of this blog

Well, I guess this is my first post. I probably should define the purpose of this blog.
I have written a little about it in some sort of description, but I can't seem to make it appear on the page, so I'll just go through it quickly in this post. Hope you don't mind.

Since most pictures, both good and less good, are shot in the everyday life, they tend to end up in phones or other small devices.
As the inperfect human I am, my pictures are shot in the moment, and forgotten in the next one. So I thought that maybe I should take my time, go through them, and upload some of them.

I'll try to put up some good (which alwas is very subjective) pictures and some clever thoughts and aspects along with them.

This post, however, won't contain any photos, since I'm not really in the mood for deep thoughts or poetic writing. Sorry about that. I will probably be uploading some pictures tomorrow, though.

Thanks for poping by!