Dreams are for alive people

I keep getting the feeling that people are only checking you in if you're creative, or "successful" with yourself if you will. That feeling when you can tell that someone is really living life. Not necessarily partying and doing all sorts of crazy stuff, but really going in for what they're doing and actually liking it. That kind of alive. 

As long as you're good to go, you'll get all the help you could ever want, but when you slip down it becomes much harder both to actually get real help and to get up there again. 

I usually start of with a somewhat good idea that I want to explain and get out of my head, but towards the end I use to get this feeling that I don't really know what I'm talking about. But then, who does? 

There is something I usually think and really would like to express but always seem to fail at getting out there. You see, I really love you for living. This might sound harsh or even creepy, but it's really the most comforting thing ever to know that at least the people that I know live a life worth living. I always use to think about them when I feel that my life is not worth living. It's calming.

So I just wanted to say thank you and that I actually love you. 

I just always feel pretty creepy about it. So I probably won't tell you in person. 

Where are you going with your life?

Some times I have theese days, where I just feel like a pile of worthless shit. This day is one of those days.
I don't actually have the time to write this, but I'm going to anyway.

So I have my periods in life. Or states of mind. Or whatever. Of which there are mainly three.

• The first and most common one is the "I guess I'm fine" kind of state, where nothing really matters too much. I'm not very happy and everything feels sort of grey-ish. This is the by far most common one.
• Next up, the second most common one: the "I hate my life so much I could puke" state of mind. This is where I feel no joy what so ever, I can't remember when the last time was that I had fun and there is no reason for anyone to like me. Ever. This is not the everyday scenario, although it's becomming increasingly common. 
• The last and least common of my states of mind would be the "Today is great, I can see myself living a happy life and actually contribute to the world!" one. It's however by far the most rare one of the three. 

It's just that I can't see myself living a happy life. That's all.