Scored 100, needed 80, got 25...

General life update:

Got my sleep in order, finally, and I even got to work next monday! 

But yeah, my giant sleep disorderish thing has been really bad, lately, so I didn't sleep Sunday-Monday in order to reboot myself, sort of. Kinda worked too, I've actually been able to sleep and wake up at proper times. Lovely.

Somethings that however doesn't seem to work for me is the examination tests for the class in programming that I'm taking. Every time there is a question with several possible answers (and thus more than one potential point) I automaticly, no matter the score, get 0 points! What this means is that I cannot get a higher success-percentge  than 25! I need 80 to pass!!! And I get 100%, but something doesn't work properly! ARGH!

It's a course in programming, so one could think that they would have programmed the site well enough for it to work.

As for now... stuff. I must do it. And hand it in. So bye.

Restless

I've come to a decision. I need a change.
Tonight is dark, indeed. I cannot sleep. Must not.

Anxiety.

I have never before been awake more than 24 without severe fysical pain or external stimuli such as energy drinks, sugar or coffe. But I guess I had to do it some day. If I am correct, I can look forwatd to a day of headache, nausea, general anxiety, doubts and weariness. I don't think I'll be able to eat a whole lot.

Also, today happens to be that day where I start college. Not that there is anywhere to attend or anything, since we're supposed to study at home. I just don't think I'll be in a very good shape to do anything at all today.

Apart from studies, I'm also expected to spend the evening with some friends. Nice, but I doubt I'll be able to contribute much at all.

My family is starting to wake up, so I'd better get myself a good, long schower before anyone notices I haven't been to bed at all.

Time! Y U NOT WORK?

Half past six. Accelerating downhill.
I want to read a book and not having to think about anything at all. I want to do that and then sleep, when I get tired. Not for the rest of my life, just for tonight. The thing is that I have to get up in the morning now, since I do actually attend a class. Well, I don't really, since it's all done from your computer at home.

It does, however, give me permission to enter the otherwise closed activities in the student associations.

I'm really to tired to write anything particularly smart, or even interesting or funny. I just want my sleep patterns to be normal. It's not working out very well at all! I hate my life for this.
I need to get up in just a few hours. In fact, I was planning to be up at 0700, but that's in one and a half hour, so that's not gonna happen. Around twelve is more likely. Fuck me. Or my life, anyways.

I've been busy, that why...

... Actually no. I've not been busy at all. To be fairly honest, everything has been so awfully boring and slow that I haven't really had anything to write about. But yeah, I guess I could write about that...

I've been more or less idling my days through this whole week. Feels really crappy. Due to this, I also cannot sleep when I should. I'm thinking that maybe I should stay up tonight, to reset my days. I don't know. Probably won't since I hate being tired. But well, I am tired all the time now, so what the heck.

I have this letter with which I'll get my new VISA card at the post office. Basically, what this means is that I have not brought it home yet, because I'm to LAZY to make the 20 minutes walk there and back! YES!

Oh, and btw, I love games. Of all kinds. At least many. But I can't buy new ones, or even play any, because if I do, I'll not do anything else at all for as long as that game is fun to play! This sucks so much!

On the bright side, then.

I and everyone I know seem to have survived 2012, at least so far. 

It appeared that I had forgot about some cake I put in the freezer some time ago. Thus I have cake!

It's finally started to getting cold! 

Cooking! I did it!

Oh yeah, and I'm getting good at driving. Cars, that is. Real cars.

I'm a waste of space

So I've been having this post up for a while, without being able to write anything particularly interesting. It bothers me more than it should, really, since there is hardly even anyone reading this anyway.

I feel alot as if I'm just throwing my life away. That does however not make me unique in any way, what so ever. For what I know, most people tend to think this way. At least every once in a while. I wound't say I do it more than others, either. Thus, I shall be quiet.

Or at least about such boring and tiresome stuff. 

I wan't to meet people! New people! In totally new situations! 

This is not made as an insult to people I already know, it's just that I somehow seem to believe that maybe new beings with new thoughts might have the solution to whatever riddles I need to solve.

I just wrote "I do not wish to live" with the intent to continue on something else, but then I like... couldn't really come up with something to say, so I stopped at that and... well, I do wish to live.

Next stop: Never Mind

Remember that post I made just a few days ago, where I took the train?
This is where I was headed, and finally ended up ^^
Or well, this is where the train was headed, I did not plan to stay on the train station.

But yeah, I think this was around half past two, or something like that. I hadn't really until now realized that the sun is so low that it's hardly ever more than just sunset in the winter.

Furthermore in my life, I'm somewhat ruining the holidays for some of my friends. Well, at least I'm being a pain. There are these awesome people I use to roleplay with (like where you have dices, books with rules and made up characters) and we were going to play some this week.

Also, I was supposed to do alot of driving practise, take long walks (I might be a bit sensitive, but if I don't do a certain amount of excersise I feel like I could as well just lay down and die. Excersise is a MUST for me) and help my grandparents, since my grandpa got his foot injured. And well, then there were you, who by definition got right to priority one.
Oh yeah, I also should clean my room xD Not in a million years <_< Literally...

I also feel obliged to eat these strange, plastic wrapped nuts...

Thank you for staying

So okay, this is probably one of the best ways to begin a year. 

I have this friend ( I actually do have friends... Who would have thought that?) and she has not been well for some time. Not well at all. So the night to the new year, she almost took her life. Just almost. 

It was well planed and all was set up. I don't know what thoughts flashed through her brain at that moment. I imagine that you don't think a whole lot at a time like this. I would believe you rather feel than think. 

Now, she didn't make the final leap to whatever other side there might be. It was as if someone let go and she could finally move and think freely. 

I wonder what it is like to realize that your life will keep on going. With you still in it. I wonder what it is like to have made the decision of not coming back, packed your stuff and then, at the very doorstep, realize that there is no need to take that journey yet.

What I do know, though, is the feeling of realizing that someone who you almost thought was gone, decides to stay for yet some time. 

Thank you for staying.

Wake up, please

A new year. We made it this far. Or at least I did.
The first day, or in this case the first night, in a new year does for some strange reason feel quite special. Another seven days and you don't even remember that it's a new year.

The only thing that are actually happening is that some calendars and other time related systems are reset. I can't really tell what it is that we celebrate xP

I have barely been speaking to anyone today, for what I feel. I didn't even bother to care about this day at all. Sure I was there, with people, and had som fun, but I didn't really get into it.
I'm tired.

You know, the feeling that you can never rest because if you do, something goes horribly wrong? That's how things are right now.

Btw, I'm sorry that I made you read this. I imagine it wasn't that fun of a reading.

Good night, and please do wake up tomorrow.