I've subscribed to a whole bunch of new people on YouTube this week, just because I thought they were doing what they liked and sharing it with the world.
I do a lot of things trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be, and this is not an exception. Or an inception. But that is a movie. So never mind that. I also don't really know what inception actually means.
Anyway!
A lot of the people that I subbed to were just ordinary people living lives which one (in this case me) could easily be jealous about. They were being occupied in their every day life with stuff they actually liked to be doing.
Anyway, due to the somewhat egocentric person that I am, I began to think "What about I did what they were doing?". I thought a lot about this, or at least a little, and came to understand that I would probably not enjoy living their lives. And here is why.
These people seemed to be happy and they probably are, but they are doing all their work from home or in some cases, just one single room! I mean, I could never work at home! Because of... everything!
Or maybe I could and I'm just being jealous. Or lazy. Maybe both. Yeah, probably both.
Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it and feel like a much better person, filled with new energy!
If you for some reason don't, then I can't blame you. But thanks anyway ^^
Fro stopping by.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Friday, April 6, 2012
Split
In The Lord of the Rings, Gandalf told Frodo about Gollum. He told him that Gollum hates and loves himself, just as he hates and loves the ring. I thought a little about this. Doesn't Gollum apply to a lot of people? He does to me, at least. I hate and love myself, just as I hate and love the internet.
Oh yeah, this is my daily procrastination trip, in case you were wondering. Even though I guess it's a little more to it than just procrastination.
It's Friday, which means it's Parrentswappingday. My parents are divorced, like many others, and again, like many others, I move between two homes. This causes a lot of stress, but it's not the moving that's stressful.
My life works a lot like my bag. What I can't fit into my bag, I can't fit into my life. Just saying.
Ever since I was like 11 or maybe 12 I have been carrying my stuff back and forth. It's really not that hard, you get used to it fairly quick.
I've got these two separate homes, with my two totally different rooms. That I live in.
Who could have figured?
The thing is this. Or things, since there are more than one.
I would like to be able to bring as little as possible with me, since stuff tend to get heavy when there's a lot of it. Quite simple.
Now, in order to do that I would need to have the rest just waiting for me at the other end. Like, everything I can't carry with me. But to have two setups of the same life is both expensive and... weird. So! What to do? Well, for me the choice was easy. As in there was no choice. I split my life in two. Like two halves.
Now you might think that "Hey! That's just stuff, right?". And yes, that's true. It's just stuff. However!
You generally like to keep your personal stuff (which actually is quite a lot of things) close to you. Like, at least in your house.
Okay, I don't know. I'm just talking for myself here, but I really think that since it's hard to live a life without a secure and solid "this is my place".
So I have two parents, two homes and tries two have one life. In reality, what I've done, without actually noticing it, I've gathered my most important stuff at one place, and just what I happen to need in the other.
And here comes the recap to the stress I wrote about earlier. The one thing that always haunt me.
Since I've gathered most of my stuff at one place, it's kind of favored. I like to spend my time there, more than in the other place. What this does is that I want to live in only one place, due to the comfort of my room and the feeling of secure "homeness", which in the other end means that I feel bad for not wanting to live at my other parents place. I happen to love my parents a lot, so every time I feel like I'd rather stay at just one place I feel false and disloyal.
I'll try to sum this up.
I've got two rooms at separate parents, one room that's in favor over the other. While I'd rather stay at just one place, and make my life fixed and easy to manage, I feel a strongly disloyal to my disfavored parent. Even though it's actually the place that's disfavored. But it's hard to explain when all you feel is like running away to somewhere else.
"I really like to be with you, but I'd rather not be here..." I mean, just... how does that sound? Bad? I'd figure it sounds pretty bad, yeah.
This is really exhausting. One of a few reasons to why I have periods when I barely talks to people.
I guess I should just get my lazy fat ass over to my other place.
If you managed to read through all this, you're awesome.
Oh yeah, this is my daily procrastination trip, in case you were wondering. Even though I guess it's a little more to it than just procrastination.
It's Friday, which means it's Parrentswappingday. My parents are divorced, like many others, and again, like many others, I move between two homes. This causes a lot of stress, but it's not the moving that's stressful.
My life works a lot like my bag. What I can't fit into my bag, I can't fit into my life. Just saying.
Ever since I was like 11 or maybe 12 I have been carrying my stuff back and forth. It's really not that hard, you get used to it fairly quick.
I've got these two separate homes, with my two totally different rooms. That I live in.
Who could have figured?
The thing is this. Or things, since there are more than one.
I would like to be able to bring as little as possible with me, since stuff tend to get heavy when there's a lot of it. Quite simple.
Now, in order to do that I would need to have the rest just waiting for me at the other end. Like, everything I can't carry with me. But to have two setups of the same life is both expensive and... weird. So! What to do? Well, for me the choice was easy. As in there was no choice. I split my life in two. Like two halves.
Now you might think that "Hey! That's just stuff, right?". And yes, that's true. It's just stuff. However!
You generally like to keep your personal stuff (which actually is quite a lot of things) close to you. Like, at least in your house.
Okay, I don't know. I'm just talking for myself here, but I really think that since it's hard to live a life without a secure and solid "this is my place".
So I have two parents, two homes and tries two have one life. In reality, what I've done, without actually noticing it, I've gathered my most important stuff at one place, and just what I happen to need in the other.
And here comes the recap to the stress I wrote about earlier. The one thing that always haunt me.
Since I've gathered most of my stuff at one place, it's kind of favored. I like to spend my time there, more than in the other place. What this does is that I want to live in only one place, due to the comfort of my room and the feeling of secure "homeness", which in the other end means that I feel bad for not wanting to live at my other parents place. I happen to love my parents a lot, so every time I feel like I'd rather stay at just one place I feel false and disloyal.
I'll try to sum this up.
I've got two rooms at separate parents, one room that's in favor over the other. While I'd rather stay at just one place, and make my life fixed and easy to manage, I feel a strongly disloyal to my disfavored parent. Even though it's actually the place that's disfavored. But it's hard to explain when all you feel is like running away to somewhere else.
"I really like to be with you, but I'd rather not be here..." I mean, just... how does that sound? Bad? I'd figure it sounds pretty bad, yeah.
This is really exhausting. One of a few reasons to why I have periods when I barely talks to people.
I guess I should just get my lazy fat ass over to my other place.
If you managed to read through all this, you're awesome.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Afterwards
I'd like to be narrator. To tell a story. I'd like to tell you about my life. That however, wouldn't be very exciting.
Have you ever felt that urge to get out? Like away and outdoors? Of course, the reason why I ask is so that I can tell you how much I, myself, have wanted that! I've been gathering stuff such as a tent, a really big bag to put the upcoming stuff in, a kerosene stove (I google'd it, can't be too sure that's the right word), clothes, a fleabag with an additional sleeping mat, canned food, first aid kit and bike bags.
Meanwhile, in my head, depression happened. So by the time I got ready, I really wasn't ready for anything anymore.
It's always sad when I dive into the dark, just like that. It's sad, because I used to have a lot of friends. But as time went on, I like drifted away people. Really, it makes me sad, because it was people with whom I had a lot in common and that I really liked to be with.
Every time these depressions occur I loose people. I remember them as they were and maybe even as they are, but I have nothing to do with them anymore.
Now with that said, I do have friends. For what I'm very lucky. These are people I've either just come to know, or those few who actually tried and stayed with me, even though I more or less pushed them away, when shit went down.
Thank you for your time, dear reader, and I hope I get to meet you yet another day!
Have you ever felt that urge to get out? Like away and outdoors? Of course, the reason why I ask is so that I can tell you how much I, myself, have wanted that! I've been gathering stuff such as a tent, a really big bag to put the upcoming stuff in, a kerosene stove (I google'd it, can't be too sure that's the right word), clothes, a fleabag with an additional sleeping mat, canned food, first aid kit and bike bags.
Meanwhile, in my head, depression happened. So by the time I got ready, I really wasn't ready for anything anymore.
It's always sad when I dive into the dark, just like that. It's sad, because I used to have a lot of friends. But as time went on, I like drifted away people. Really, it makes me sad, because it was people with whom I had a lot in common and that I really liked to be with.
Every time these depressions occur I loose people. I remember them as they were and maybe even as they are, but I have nothing to do with them anymore.
Now with that said, I do have friends. For what I'm very lucky. These are people I've either just come to know, or those few who actually tried and stayed with me, even though I more or less pushed them away, when shit went down.
Thank you for your time, dear reader, and I hope I get to meet you yet another day!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Some time later...
Some weeks later, I sat down at my computer, thinking that it would be really nice to just take a brake from all those "must do" things and continue writing my story. You know, my life. That story.
The one week with physical activity (and strain!) in the year has passed! Yeah! Winter Break! :D
Wen't down the hills. Like a boss.
I have these skis where you're supposed to turn as little as possible and just go for speed... so I went for speed. It's as easy to turn with them as with a full size truck! I mean, really? 12-15 meters? <_<
Aaaand, that was that!
Back in civilization again, with internet and nothingness!
No, really... I can communicate with everyone in the whole world, but I don't have anything to say! Except of how I feel. And that won't make anyone happier <_<
I don't know what to do with my life. Should I end it?
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
It started out so good! DAMN YOU!
Is it bad to feel perfectly fine about not having a proper job or occupation in general, just so you can get up late in the morning and read books in your bed? It just feels so good, like something I would like to do every day for the rest of my life! I love waking up with something to read.
So yeah, I really like having a lot of time in the morning. Waking up and getting ready is really tedious for me. And I like it, as long as I actually do have the time for it.
Usually, I spend three or four hours on getting up. Most of it is consumed by lazieness (which basically means a lot of reading, followed by a lot of being really slow, which leads to the shower in which I spend a lot of time, while not really figuring out a good breakfast so I just end up making lunch right away, but since I'm not very cheffy it takes some time, so by the time I'm done eating it's usually afternoon already).
Be glad I'm not reading this aloud for you, because
Never mind, got interrupted by a trespassing parent and I'm not in the mood for anything anymore. Hate.
So yeah, I really like having a lot of time in the morning. Waking up and getting ready is really tedious for me. And I like it, as long as I actually do have the time for it.
Usually, I spend three or four hours on getting up. Most of it is consumed by lazieness (which basically means a lot of reading, followed by a lot of being really slow, which leads to the shower in which I spend a lot of time, while not really figuring out a good breakfast so I just end up making lunch right away, but since I'm not very cheffy it takes some time, so by the time I'm done eating it's usually afternoon already).
Be glad I'm not reading this aloud for you, because
Never mind, got interrupted by a trespassing parent and I'm not in the mood for anything anymore. Hate.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Wow, really?!
I don't believe that anyone's reading this blogg, but I might as well write something, if only for my own comfort.
It's been a couple of different and for some aspects even healthy weeks, since I even thought of updating my blogg.
I got a job at a big restaurant, where I got to take care of the dishes. A scullion, I believe it's called. And it was the hardest work I've done for like ever. It was so stressful and noicy and there were all these scents from old food and detergents. In adition to all this, everything was blazing hot!
Anyways, that's what I've been doing for a little more than a week, but then of course, I got sick. Again. Sure, I guess the stress didn't really help, and I suppose I inhaled quite a lot of stuff that didn't belong to me, so perhaps it's no wonder.
What this mean are two things. One, I don't get to earn any more money for a while. And two, I sleep on good times again. But of course, I did that when I worked too. Had to get up at five in the morning, so I guess it was even better then. Oh well.
Now, I bid you a very good night ^^
Whoever that reads this <_<
It's been a couple of different and for some aspects even healthy weeks, since I even thought of updating my blogg.
I got a job at a big restaurant, where I got to take care of the dishes. A scullion, I believe it's called. And it was the hardest work I've done for like ever. It was so stressful and noicy and there were all these scents from old food and detergents. In adition to all this, everything was blazing hot!
Anyways, that's what I've been doing for a little more than a week, but then of course, I got sick. Again. Sure, I guess the stress didn't really help, and I suppose I inhaled quite a lot of stuff that didn't belong to me, so perhaps it's no wonder.
What this mean are two things. One, I don't get to earn any more money for a while. And two, I sleep on good times again. But of course, I did that when I worked too. Had to get up at five in the morning, so I guess it was even better then. Oh well.
Now, I bid you a very good night ^^
Whoever that reads this <_<
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Scored 100, needed 80, got 25...
General life update:
Got my sleep in order, finally, and I even got to work next monday!
But yeah, my giant sleep disorderish thing has been really bad, lately, so I didn't sleep Sunday-Monday in order to reboot myself, sort of. Kinda worked too, I've actually been able to sleep and wake up at proper times. Lovely.
Somethings that however doesn't seem to work for me is the examination tests for the class in programming that I'm taking. Every time there is a question with several possible answers (and thus more than one potential point) I automaticly, no matter the score, get 0 points! What this means is that I cannot get a higher success-percentge than 25! I need 80 to pass!!! And I get 100%, but something doesn't work properly! ARGH!
It's a course in programming, so one could think that they would have programmed the site well enough for it to work.
As for now... stuff. I must do it. And hand it in. So bye.