Split

In The Lord of the Rings, Gandalf told Frodo about Gollum. He told him that Gollum hates and loves himself, just as he hates and loves the ring. I thought a little about this. Doesn't Gollum apply to a lot of people? He does to me, at least. I hate and love myself, just as I hate and love the internet.

Oh yeah, this is my daily procrastination trip, in case you were wondering. Even though I guess it's a little more to it than just procrastination.
It's Friday, which means it's Parrentswappingday. My parents are divorced, like many others, and again, like many others, I move between two homes. This causes a lot of stress, but it's not the moving that's stressful.
My life works a lot like my bag. What I can't fit into my bag, I can't fit into my life. Just saying.
Ever since I was like 11 or maybe 12 I have been carrying my stuff back and forth. It's really not that hard, you get used to it fairly quick.

I've got these two separate homes, with my two totally different rooms. That I live in.
Who could have figured?
The thing is this. Or things, since there are more than one.
I would like to be able to bring as little as possible with me, since stuff tend to get heavy when there's a lot of it. Quite simple.
Now, in order to do that I would need to have the rest just waiting for me at the other end. Like, everything I can't carry with me. But to have two setups of the same life is both expensive and... weird. So! What to do? Well, for me the choice was easy. As in there was no choice. I split my life in two. Like two halves.
Now you might think that "Hey! That's just stuff, right?". And yes, that's true. It's just stuff. However!
You generally like to keep your personal stuff (which actually is quite a lot of things) close to you. Like, at least in your house.

Okay, I don't know. I'm just talking for myself here, but I really think that since it's hard to live a life without a secure and solid "this is my place".

So I have two parents, two homes and tries two have one life. In reality, what I've done, without actually noticing it, I've gathered my most important stuff at one place, and just what I happen to need in the other.
And here comes the recap to the stress I wrote about earlier. The one thing that always haunt me.
Since I've gathered most of my stuff at one place, it's kind of favored. I like to spend my time there, more than in the other place. What this does is that I want to live in only one place, due to the comfort of my room and the feeling of secure "homeness", which in the other end means that I feel bad for not wanting to live at my other parents place. I happen to love my parents a lot, so every time I feel like I'd rather stay at just one place I feel false and disloyal.

I'll try to sum this up.
I've got two rooms at separate parents, one room that's in favor over the other. While I'd rather stay at just one place, and make my life fixed and easy to manage, I feel a strongly disloyal to my disfavored parent. Even though it's actually the place that's disfavored. But it's hard to explain when all you feel is like running away to somewhere else.
"I really like to be with you, but I'd rather not be here..." I mean, just... how does that sound? Bad? I'd figure it sounds pretty bad, yeah.

This is really exhausting. One of a few reasons to why I have periods when I barely talks to people.
I guess I should just get my lazy fat ass over to my other place.

If you managed to read through all this, you're awesome.