If everyone has a value, then why do I feel so worthless?
Why do I keep watching other people living their lives when I could live a life myself?
When did I quit dreaming and how do I start again?
Every time I face someone that's heading somewhere in life I feel mainly three things.
1. Guilt, for not doing similar stuff myself.
2. Happieness, because I feel how alive one could be.
3. Regret, because I wish I was doing stuff too, instead of locking myself upp in my room.
I've failed at life and I'm the only one who notice it.
I just haven't met anyone lately. I avoid people, both online and in real life, because I can't face them, knowing that I'm mostly like an empty shell, not knowing or experiencing anything.
To wake up every morning only to realize that this day won't be any different...
3 comments:
First I just want to say that I think we should see each other more often! It was a while since we last saw each other and I can honestly say I really miss those times when we had the time to do stuff together! Just two friends going out for a walk. I really liked it and I hope, now that I have time again, that we can do it more often.
I can understand you're feeling guilty and regret because you're not doing what you would like to do in your life. But besides all these things that grown-ups should do like getting a job or apartment, there is so many things you can do and I know you like to do. For example take a long walk to the dumpster bin or the graveyard or play the piano. Why don't start there? Do something every day that you like to do and write down three things you're happy about. It doesn't have to be the big things, it can be about the small things you're happy about like waking up hearing the birds sing outside you're window. If you do this every day you can go back to your notes when you're feeling down and be remembered about what makes you happy! I think this is one of the easiest ways to start dreaming again.
I just have to say that I never see you as an empty shell! I know you're having a lot of ideas and I hope you can make them come true some day in one way or another. I know you want to live and do a lot of stuff, but sometimes it's hard to have the energy to do it. But eventualy the energy will return and you start to do stuff again. And for me, if you're doing what you want or not doesn't change what I see in you and why I like you. So don't be afraid to face me, I will always be your friend!
Before i post this comment I just have to ask because I'm so curious; did you try living two or more weeks in a row at one place? And if so, was it for the better or worse?
Love!
I actually did try staying for two weeks straight at one place and it sort of worked, but also felt quite weird. I guess it's a feeling I could get used to and that there are a log to gain from it, so I've been planning on trying it a little more in the summer ^^
And thank you for being my friend. I don't have any good words for it, so there won't be any, but I want you to know I'm really glad that I know you.
Reading your comments are like calming. Like something nice flooding my thoughts. I don't know, it just felt very nice xP
And btw, thumbs up to your comment being longer than the original post xD
Oh, and I also really think we should meet sometime soon! Like, whenever you've got time for it ^^
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