I find myself in a need of physical stimuli. Or closeness, I guess you could say. I miss to have someone to be with, without doing anything at all, apart from being together. Just to feel that hand on your shoulder every now and then, a hug when things are shitty and some silent understanding.
This is where friends, no matter how awesome they are, aren't enough. I would lie if I said that it's friendship I miss. I have totally awesome friends which I love in that way you love people you're not in love with.
I've thought a lot about this. Maybe I just need to be confident in myself. That I too can contribute with something in a relationship and that it, when it comes to it just is about sex? I really don't like the thought of it. And don't think this is the core problem. But I'm certain that it's a fair part.
Someone once said to me that I would never get laid. He was right in a way, but not necessarily for whatever reasons he thought of. It's not for some inability to "mate" with people, but because I just can't take easy on this. And ease is pretty damn vital in a relation.
This guy, btw, was that kind of guy who pumped weights at a gym instead of being in time for school, "got" a lot of girls and partied a lot. Now, I don't say I would have lived like he did if the opportunity had occurred, but at the time, really my only comfort was the though that he would probably get bad grades and hopefully a more miserable life than the me.
True story.
I'm almost twenty and I haven't had a working relationship yet. I can honestly tell you that I think most of my youth was spent on stuff I would have been better off without. Not that I had much of a choice. I just feel as if it was all in vein.
Life is the same. Less bullies, of course. But that's to be expected now that I can actually choose with whom I do spend my time. It's also quite obvious since I barely sees anyone at all. Or maybe I do and should just shut my big mouth. Who knows.
This is some kind of a call to whoever is out there. If you read this, please respond. I need it! Just let me know you was here. I'll leave it by that.
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